So.. there's quite a bit on my mind tonight. Past and future have always pulled on my heart like twin suns on a planet. For every great thing pulling me forward, there's an equal memory tugging me back. Most of the time I am oblivious to this and live my life, but there are rare nights when I feel it keenly. Tonight is such a night.
With all the wedding planning going on, I have felt like a ship tossed at sea. Which reception hall is the best? Which will not kill our pocketbook? How am I ever going to get this done in five months? Why did I not insist on Elvis in Vegas? But then I stepped foot in Heinz Chapel. My breath was gone. It's the perfect place to begin my next life. Mrs. Murphy. How many times had I dreamed of this? To stand there and know I would be occupying that same spot in only a few more months was... magic.
And while we've been scouting sites, I've gotten to know my future mother-in-law well. I picked up her mannerisms, her inflections and find them cute. Then imitated them to Matt later on and we talked about the Pittsburgh accent and the way she gets so animated in explaining things. I can see us having coffee on the weekends just talking about life. Just let her ramble while I listen, and memorize quirks.
These things pull me forward. Always forward. Next step, next plan, next thought. But tonight I had the past cropping up and tugging. It's old news that my friends and I back home have all sort of been scattered to the wind. Some of us remain in small clusters, but a lot of gone off to other places. Specifically my gaming friends. The ones I used to LARP with (is my nerd showing?).
Over late dinner with Jon, we broke out the gaming conversation. I find sometimes this causes me to miss all of my friends so very much. And it struck me somewhere around laughing about a common friend named Fish that Jon is some sort of composite of all the best things of my friends. Not to say my friends are by far replaced, but he's like some... gaming guru who doesn't think I'm lame for wanting to join the boys' club.
And just like that my past let go. If we move to Pittsburgh, and I seriously hope we do within the next year, then I would be extremely happy. Matt would be elated to be with his friends, and I could get a good chance to get to know them. No pretentious airs, no masks. And I could find that piece of me again.
And if a few of those friends wanted to migrate to Pittsburgh, well... I'd leave a light on. Just like old times. (Are you hearing the siren call yet?)
The Science behind the legendary El Chupacabra
5 years ago
Moving back to Pittsburgh would be just for nostalgic sakes... no one blames anyone who wants to leave to start a new life/career. Look at Cass and Jim. I told my sister to go if she gets the chance.
ReplyDeleteIs Heinz Chapel a definite?
Yes, Heinz Chapel is a definite, and if we move back to Pittsburgh, it'd be because Matt found a post-doc back here. He loves the Pittsburgh Zoo and I could see him being there. Plus he's just happier here. It's his home and I think if we can manage it, we should.
ReplyDeleteIt's not like he didn't go out and live in some other world for a while, and gained invaluable experience. But sometimes you gotta follow your heart and if it leads you back, then back is where you need to be.